"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." ~Ephesians 4:26-27
This has become my motto.
Throughout my life, I have been a bitter person, holding onto grudges because I was depressed and angry, always looking for a way to get ahead; to gain an advantage. It was the way I assumed I needed to live in order to succeed, but I realized about three months ago that I wasn't getting anywhere by being full of guile and constantly scheming to get ahead by unfair means.
It was a hard thing to realize, but I actually needed people. I was a loner and had few friends and felt as if the world was out to get me. After a wonderful friend of mine rejected me my entire world fell apart and I sunk into depression and literally considered killing myself several times. What kept me going was the knowledge that if I pulled the trigger that I'd ruin other's lives because I would be gone.
I needed people, but I didn't know how to become friends with anyone. I was not socially adept like I am now and said the wrong things at the wrong times, which more often than not, drove people away. I talked about me a lot more than I let people talk about themselves and people avoided me because of it.
Then came the realization: I wanted to be liked. To be accepted, to be loved by my peers. I knew by that point that I had to change the way I did things in order to change my thought-processes. If there was one thing all the inspiring quotes I'd read had taught me, it was that looking on the bright side was the way to start. Stop focusing on what could go wrong and focus on what could go right.
I tried this new way of thought, and it was hard at first. It took me several weeks to ingrain it, and by several I mean three. Three weeks of trying to be positive, and then something clicked: I couldn't be happy if I was still angry. No one man can serve two masters, so I had a choice to make: hold onto my anger and resentment, or let it go. It took me a while to let it go, but when I did it felt amazing. No more weight to carry around, and my mind was clear to focus on the bright side.
As I became more positive, started intentionally smiling, and stopped talking about myself all the time, I found that people wanted to be around me more. They had picked up on my new aura and wanted to be in it. Happiness and joy are contagious.
Then, roughly two weeks ago, I was with some friends of mine in a classroom during lunch with our Sociology teacher and the topic went to the meaning of life and how we each stay happy. My friend Scarlet, who is one of the happiest people on the planet and whose joy is indeed contagious, said at one point,
"I realized that I had to love everything and everyone. If I wasn't loving them, I was hating or fearing them, so I decided to love everyone and everything. I look for beauty in everything and find it so I can stay happy."
This resonated with me on a deep level. That's when I knew what I needed to do: no more judging or assuming or criticizing; just loving everyone and everything.
It's worked. The amount of joy in my life has gone from one to 10 rapidly and it's staying at 10.
So let go of the grudges you hold. Forgive. Without all that weight in your heart, you will feel lighter and be able to soar. If something makes you mad, merely make sure that you're not angry when you go to bed at night. So I encourage you to go forth and be a little light in a dark world; spread kindness and make peace with yourself.
